For the first time in my life, I needed my mother. I didn’t think I would ever need her as much as I did at that moment. But that wasn’t possible. She wasn’t here, she would never be here again. Suddenly, I found myself reaching for my pocket knife. It wasn’t in my pocket and I felt myself panic. I’m sure I looked like a madman, running around my bedroom searching for that damn knife. But it was nowhere that I looked. I was panting, my breath coming in small, short gasps. Leaning against my closet door, I slid down to the floor and sat there, hugging my knees. I felt like I was slipping into a black hole that I couldn’t get out of. I felt lost, hopeless, like there was no way out. I closed my eyes so tight that it hurt. ‘Mom…’ I began my voice a whisper. ‘If you can hear me and if there really is a Heaven… Please,’ I pleaded, not really sure what I was asking for. ‘Mom… Please…’ Suddenly there was a knock on my door, causing me to jump. ‘What?’ I snapped. ‘Lance?’ a voice said. The first one was a girl who lived on the other side of Birmingham who was more of just a sex thing than anything else. The second one was closer to home who I sometimes took out on dates and we acted in proper boyfriend/girlfriend manner.One day Mrs Hood ( changed for obvious reasons ) was in her front garden and beckoned me over as I was passing. Mrs Hood was maybe late fifties, widowed and with a full figure. She was known as the local busybody and she only mixed with the neigbours to find out the local news.On this occasion she almost straight away asked me if I had a girlfriend and seemed eager to know how close we were. She asked me how often I saw her and so on. Then, completely out of the bue she asked me if I was having sex with her.I am sure I blushed as I admitted that we did and she went on to ask how often. I think I admitted to twice a week and then out of the blue she asked me if I wanted a cup of tea. I was completely taken aback and followed her in through her front.
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